


we're awfully lucky ('cause i like you)

by amamini



Category: Bill & Ted (Movies)
Genre: Anxious Ted, Bill & Ted Learn About Homophobia, First Kiss, Halloween, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Seven Minutes In Heaven Game, because all i do is project really, honestly it's more like Idiots to Idiots Who Kiss adjksldfk, idiots to lovers, kissing the homies, listen... this is stupid but i had to put it out into the world, mlm/wlw solidary, pure of heart and dumb of ass
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:40:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27281347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amamini/pseuds/amamini
Summary: Bill looked nervous. "So, would you get mad at me if I did something stupid? Even if I apologized right after?”“No, dude, I don’t think I could be mad at you for long,” Ted said. “Why, did you do something?”“Uh, no Ted, not yet.” Bill now stood right in front of him, fidgeting with his hands. “But can I?”our favorite California valley boys go to a Halloween party and play that dumb closet game
Relationships: Ted "Theodore" Logan/Bill S. Preston Esq.
Comments: 9
Kudos: 119





	we're awfully lucky ('cause i like you)

**Author's Note:**

> happy halloween, LGBTQ community! have a gay little story  
> warning for canon-typical use of the f-slur (but only once)

Ted knew from the start that going to this Halloween party was a totally bogus idea for two reasons. 

Reason number one: If they were at the party the whole night, they wouldn’t get to go trick-or-treating. And since they were freshmen in high school now, their trick-or-treating opportunities would only get more limited as their neighbors decided they were “too old for it” or whatever. 

And reason number two: Ashley Williams was going to be at this party. She was a senior, and she was drop-dead gorgeous and everyone knew it, and Bill definitely had the hots for her. Ted suspected that he would never do anything about it, but it was just going to be awkward all night. What was he going to do if Bill ditched him to go hang out with her and her friends, or even worse, what if he took the opportunity to ask her out? Of course Ted wanted his friend to be happy, but Bill made  _ him _ happy.  _ They _ were the ones wearing matching costumes, so what was he supposed to do if Bill ran away with Ashley Williams? He couldn’t be half of an iconic duo. 

This weighed on Ted’s mind as they walked to the party. Leaves crunched under their feet, and a group of little kids ran past them, screaming to each other about their candy supply. Ted watched them go by, filled with some kind of jealousy that made him feel old. He picked at a thread on the frayed sleeve of his sweater. “Bill, my most excellent friend?” 

Bill looked up at him, hands deep in his jean pockets. “Yes Ted, my most esteemed colleague?” 

“Are you sure you still want to go to this party, dude? We can just dip and go trick-or-treating instead.”

“Dude, this is our first high school party!” Bill smiled brightly. “I heard there’s gonna be seniors there. And possibly even  _ alcohol.  _ It’s like, the big leagues.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Ted still fidgeted with the string on his sweater as they walked. “I probably shouldn’t drink anything though, my dad will definitely make me do one of those drunk-driver breath tests and have me most heinously grounded until winter break.”

“You bring up a solid point, duder. I mean, we can leave whenever we want. That’s the cool thing about going to someone else’s party, you don’t have to clean up after or anything. Oh sweet!” He stopped to pick up a pack of M&M’s from the sidewalk and tucked it in his pocket, smiling at Ted. “Snacks for later.”

Ted laughed easily. He pointed to a house at the end of the cul-de-sac, decorated in orange and purple lights. He felt like it was towering over him, with its three floors and huge windows and the music spilling out of the front door. “Is that it?” 

“Should be,” Bill muttered, trying to read the smudged ink on the back of his hand where he had written the address. “What time is it?”

Ted looked at his watch, and realized his palms were sweating. What was he so nervous about? It was just gonna be a lame high school party where he’d be surrounded by people he didn’t know. Nothing to be nervous about at all, right? “Almost 8:30, Bill. Aren’t we most egregiously late for the start of the party?”

Bill shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. “It would be worse if we were on time. Then if everyone else was late, we’d be the only ones there.”

“You got me there, dude.” He crossed his arms over his chest, suddenly feeling self-conscious as well as nervous. 

“Hey, it’s gonna be fine,” Bill said, sounding serious. “Don’t worry, I’ll be with you the whole time so we don’t get lost in that big house. Look, we go together!” He nudged at Ted’s side and pulled at his own sweater.

Ted nodded, taking a deep breath, and he felt a little less heavy. He looked at the house, then back at Bill, who was now picking at a loose thread on his own sleeve. “Alright. Ready Bill?”

He dropped the thread and nodded back. “Ready Ted!”

“Let’s go!” They strummed a quick air guitar, then took off towards the house. 

* * *

Ted was right. The party was pretty bogus, but not even for the reasons he thought it would be. 

Reason number one: It wasn’t so much a party as it was a bunch of kids, standing around or talking on couches or maybe dancing, but always sticking to their own cliques. Bill and Ted knew pretty much nobody there, in fact, Ted couldn’t even remember who invited them. So Bill and Ted mostly just stood by the food table, eating rice krispies treats and drinking non-alcoholic punch. 

Reason number two: Barely anybody was wearing a costume. There were a few kids with fake blood on their faces, some girls had headbands with animal ears on them, and two different guys were that dude from  _ Nightmare on Elm Street _ who Ted didn’t know the name of. Then again, nobody had complimented his and Bill’s costumes, so maybe people didn’t even realize they had dressed up and planned it. 

Reason number three: The music was most  _ non _ -non-heinous. If Ted had to listen to “The Monster Mash” one more time, he was gonna lose it. He could deal with “Thriller” on repeat, but not the mash, not the graveyard smash.

“Hey, Bill.” He leaned closer to Bill’s ear so that he could be heard over the music. “Do you wanna go?”

“I think I do, Ted.” Bill stood on his tiptoes to reach Ted’s ear. “I gotta find a bathroom first, though. Come with me upstairs?”

Ted gave him a thumbs up and followed him to the staircase. They had to awkwardly step around an annoying couple that was making out and refused to move out of their way, and Bill almost slipped on some fake blood at the top of the stairs. 

“This has been a most perilous journey, Ted my friend.” Bill groaned. 

“I have to agree, Bill my friend. Let’s find you a bathroom.” They turned down a hallway of closed doors, and ran into a group of kids sitting in a circle on the floor. 

“Excuse me, fellow party-goers,” Bill started, and a few of the girls turned to him, giggling. “Would any of you babes happen to know where the bathroom is?”

A girl wearing cat ears pointed over her shoulder, “There’s one at the end of the hallway to the left— no wait, that’s my left, it’s on your right.”

Bill smiled. “Many thanks, feline babe!” He shuffled past them to the end of the hallway to another eruption of giggles, and Ted awkwardly followed, standing outside the door as it closed behind Bill. He realized as the lock clicked shut that all the kids on the floor were looking at him. 

“What’s your name, doll?” A girl with vampire fangs and fake blood on her chin asked. 

Ted looked around him. “Who, me?”

“Yeah you, in the striped sweater.” She tucked her hair behind her ear, and Ted realized who she was. The adored, the feared, the bodacious Ashley Williams. Ted was so screwed— if Bill came out of the bathroom and realized she was here, maybe he wouldn’t want to leave anymore, and then this party would be doubly bogus for the reasons he thought of before they arrived. He and Bill were trapped in this hallway and they were going to die here, because Bill was going to fall in love with Ashley Williams and Ted would die of loneliness. 

He suddenly realized that with all these thoughts running through his head, he hadn’t answered the question. “Oh, uh. I’m Ted. Ted ‘Theodore’ Logan, and my friend in the bathroom is Bill S. Preston, Esquire.”

“Hey, I know him! You’re in my history class,” said a guy in a ripped-up tank top. He turned to the girl with the bunny ears next to him. “Those two get me through that class, they say the funniest shit.”

“Come sit with us, Ted, we’re playing a game.” Cat-ears-girl beckoned him over. 

Ted looked back at the locked bathroom door, then back at the group. “Can Bill come too?”

She smiled, “Of course, silly. The more the merrier!”

Just as he began to walk towards the group, the door opened. “Oh, Bill, they want us to play some game with them.” He tried to use his eyebrows to say, “ _ Is that okay? If it’s not okay totally just say no, we could just leave, dude, just say you don’t want to play. Just say you’ll run away from this place with me and that you won’t get married to Ashley Williams and raise a beautiful nuclear family and forget all about me.” _

Apparently, Bill forgot how to speak the eyebrow language, because he said, “Aw, excellent!” and the group scooted on the floor to include the two of them in the circle. Ted tried to hide his sigh as he went to sit next to Bill. “So what’s the deal, Scrabble? Clue?”

Bunny-ears-girl laughed. “Seven minutes in heaven.”

Bill and Ted cocked their heads to the side, then looked at each other in confusion. “I haven’t heard of that one before,” Bill said. “This is our first real high school party.”

Some of the kids smiled at that. “Well, congratulations, we’re glad to have you guys here” cat-ears-girl said. 

“The rules are pretty simple.” Ashley-the-vampire leaned towards them. She pointed at a closed door down the hallway. “Basically, two people go into that walk-in closet over there for seven minutes and do whatever they want. And while they’re in there, the rest of out here spin this bottle, and whoever it lands on goes in next when one of them comes out.”

“Huh,” Bill said, considering the empty wine bottle that was sitting in the middle of the circle. “This seems like a most intricate ritual. Wouldn’t it just be easier for everyone to stay outside and do whatever they want out here?”

“A lot of people just take the opportunity to suck face,” bunny-ears-girl said. “Which is nicer if the whole world isn’t watching.”

“Woah, bodacious,” Bill and Ted said in unison.

Ripped-up-tank-top-guy nudged bunny-ears-girl. “See what I mean? These guys are a riot.”

Just then, someone’s watch beeped, and cat-ears-girl said, “Alright, Mikey, you’re up!” Ripped-up-tank-top-guy-named-Mikey stood up and crossed to the door, knocking loudly and shouting, “Time’s up, guys!”

The door opened, and a girl with fake blood on her neck came out, giving Mikey a high-five as they passed by each other. She approached the circle, and noticed Bill and Ted. “Oh, hey you two! Happy Halloween!”

The two looked up, and recognized her. “How’s it hangin’, Missy!”

She laughed. “Oh, you know, a little of that, a little of this. Mostly this,” she said sitting in the circle next to cat-ears-girl. She reached into the middle of the circle to spin the bottle. It went around the circle a few times before landing on Ashley-the-vampire. “You go next, Ashley!”

“Hey, you two match!” Bill pointed to the two of them. He was right, Ted realized. The fake blood dripping onto Missy’s dress from her neck looked just like the kind on Ashley’s face.

Ashley-the-vampire looked at Missy-also-the-vampire, pointing finger guns at her as Missy blushed. “Hey, we do, don’t we? You two match too, Bill and Ted, what are you dressed as?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Ted sat up straight, displaying his vertically-striped sweater, as Bill leaned against his side, showing off his horizontal stripes.

“Oh my god,” bunny-ears-girl giggled. “They’re Bert and Ernie!”

“Yeah!” Bill was obviously very proud to have their costumes finally recognized. “It took so long for anyone to notice!”

The conversation turned to a debate between Missy-and-Ashley-the-vampires and the animal-ear-girls about whether a spooky costume or a silly costume was better. Ted realized all the girls were juniors and seniors, which slightly alienated him and Bill. He couldn’t help but feel intimidated by all of them, especially Ashley. Ted looked over at Bill, and saw he was looking right at her. Which, yeah, of course he was, because she was the one talking right then, but also Ted was sure he was going to ask her out at some point tonight. He was caught up in looking at the side of Bill’s face and thinking that he didn’t realize he had been asked a question until Bill tapped on his arm.

“Huh? Sorry, I zoned out a little,” he said, not even trying to pretend he was following the conversation.

“Do you like scary or silly more, Ted?” cat-ears-girl asked.

“Oh, totally silly. I mean, I get why people dress scary, because it makes sense with the holiday and everything, but I don’t think I’d be very good at it. Also I remember going trick-or-treating when I was younger, and older kids who were dressed like monsters would always jump out and most heinously scare the shit out of me.”

“Exactly, dude!” Bill agreed. “One time, someone had the scariest mask I had ever seen, and it scared me so bad I ran all the way home and dropped my candy bag, and me and Ted had to split his candy. It was absolutely bogus.”

The girls nodded in slightly-amused sympathy, and Missy laughed. “That was the year before I started babysitting you guys, right? I was in charge of protecting these two from dumbass older kids for the next couple years.”

“Oh yeah!” Ted remembered a few Halloweens spent with Bill, hiding behind Missy whenever he heard older kids approaching. “Missy was our most noble guardian on many a trick-or-treating adventure.”

“Oh my god, I remember Missy talking about you guys now,” Ashley said chin on her hand. “She would always come to school with stories about the ten-year-olds she was babysitting and how they were gonna become rockstars someday.”

“We still are,” Bill proudly announced. “Wyld Stallyns is unrecognized for now, but as soon as we get Eddie Van Halen to join our band, we’ll make it big.”

“That’s so cool, what instruments do you play?” asked bunny-ears-girl.

“Well, we both have guitars,” Bill started, “but, umm…”

“But neither of us ever actually learned how to play,” finished Ted. He figured Bill didn’t want to look uncool by admitting it in front of these intimidating girls. “We’re learning though! We’ve been figuring out the most bodacious amplifier settings to make us sound good, even if we don’t really know what we’re doing yet.”

As the girls all hummed their support, cat-ears-girl’s watch beeped again, and Ashley stood up to knock on the door of the walk-in closet. A girl walked out that Bill and Ted hadn’t seen yet, since she had been inside the whole time they were there. She was dressed in a black-and-white striped suit that Ted vaguely recognized as a reference to a movie that came out fairly recently but couldn’t name.

She sat in the circle next to Missy, who introduced her to Bill and Ted, and she told them, “I love the Bert and Ernie costumes. Such a dynamic duo.”

“Thank you, stripe-y babe!” Bill said, once again delighted that someone actually recognized them. “I think I know your costume too, but I’m not sure if I should say the name of the movie.”

“Oh, Beetlejuice!” Ted exclaimed, remembering that he and Bill had seen the movie in theaters when it first came out. 

Bill spun to face him, “Watch out dude, make sure you don’t say the name any more times or it’ll totally curse you.”

The striped-suit-girl laughed, “You guys are fine, I promise I won’t put a curse on you.” She reached to spin the bottle in the middle of the circle. She put a lot of force into it, so it spun a few times before finally slowing and landing on…

Ted.

He knew that he had agreed to sit down and play the game, but somehow he didn’t expect to end up in this situation.

“You’re up next, Bert-Ted,” striped-suit-girl said, picking up the bottle to point at him for emphasis. 

“Huh, I completely forgot we were even playing this game,” he lied. The back of his mind had been whispering to him for the past twenty minutes about how Bill was going to end up in the closet with Ashley and he was going to ask her out and then they’d fall in love and they’d climb out the window together and he’d never see Bill again all because of a dumb party game. At least now he knew that wouldn’t happen, but the alternative meant getting trapped in that little space with the senior cheerleader girl that his best friend was totally in love with, so really, which option was worse? But Bill didn’t even look fazed. He just nodded and asked striped-suit-girl if she had dyed her hair just for Halloween. 

Ted found it difficult to focus on the conversation after that. What was he going to do when he had to walk into that closet and face Ashley-the-vampire Williams? Were they supposed to be kissing the whole time they were in there, or would it be okay if he just sat on the floor and she taught him how to braid hair or something? Were they allowed to just  _ not _ kiss? Ted thought he might prefer that. Of course she was a beautiful babe, he could see that, and maybe if she wasn’t so unattainable (because of Bill, because she was a senior, and because she probably would never even look at him at school), he might allow himself to think about her  _ that _ way. Maybe if he just explained all of that, she’d understand, and they could just spend the time talking about music.

“Hey, Ted.” Bill interrupted his inner turmoil. “Where did we get these sweaters? I can’t remember.”

“Well, I already had the one you’re wearing, and then we went to a thrift store to find mine. But it took forever to find the right kind of thing, and I think this one actually doesn’t have all the right colors like Bert is supposed to have.”

Bill nodded enthusiastically. “I knew we had some problem with it! And The ladies at the thrift store were so tired of us, because we’d go in almost every day asking to see what new sweaters they got in since the last time we were there.”

“I love the thrift store that’s by the elementary school,” bunny-ears-girl said. “They always have the best prices.”

“That’s where I got this dress!” Missy said, floofing out the skirt a bit to show it off. 

As Bill and the girls kept talking about shopping, Ted’s mind returned to Ashley-the-vampire Williams. But he barely had time to start spiralling again when cat-ears-girl’s watch beeped again, signifying that it was Ted’s turn to enter into the closet. He stood on shaky legs, and waved goodbye to the group, crossing slowly to the door, dread crawling up his spine.

He knocked on the door, and heard ripped-up-tank-top-guy laughing from inside. A couple seconds later, the door opened and he walked out, calling out, “See you later, darling!” to Ashley. He turned to see Ted waiting by the door and smiled, stepping to the side to allow him in. “Have fun, kid. Try not to be so tense.”

Ted gulped, took a deep, steadying breath, and walked inside. 

It was way darker in the closet than he thought it would be, with a single bulb hanging from the ceiling. Being surrounded by brown and black coats made him feel like he was lost in the woods, lit by the dim light of a lonely moon. 

And there was Ashley Williams, looking like a vampire, and smiling at him. Except, she wasn’t smiling like she was excited to kiss him, she was smiling like this was absolutely hilarious. And then she actually did start laughing. 

“Uh, sorry,” Ted started. “I don’t really, uh—”

She was still laughing, hiding her face in her hands. “You are too darling, Ted.” He had no idea how to respond to any of that, so he just stood, nervously fiddling with his hands until she said, “Come sit with me, kid.” 

There was a chest of drawers at the back of the closet, and Ashley hopped to sit on top of it, tapping the spot next to her for Ted to sit. He swallowed nervously, then moved to take his place there. 

“I, uh,” Ted cleared his throat. “I’ve never actually kissed anyone before, so…”

“We don’t have to kiss or anything, you know,” Ashley said, picking at her black nail polish. “We can just talk, if you want.”

Ted felt the weight of the whole world fall off his shoulders. “That is the most  _ non _ -non-non-heinous thing I’ve heard all day.”

Ashley laughed again. “You two use funny words, you and Bill. It’s pretty cute.”

Ted tensed. “You think Bill is cute?”

“Oh, not like  _ that,  _ oh no. He’s not my type, plus he’s a freshman, sorry.” Ashley put her hand on his shoulder. “I mean you’re cute with each other. Like, you make sense when you’re together.”

Ted looked at her. So Bill wouldn’t run away and buy a house with her after all. “My thoughts exactly, vampire babe. Bill and I are most excellent friends.”

Ashley raised her eyebrows. “Honey, I never want you to feel pressured if you don’t feel comfortable talking about it, but you should know that I — and the rest of the kids out there — we accept both of you for who you are.”

Ted furrowed his eyebrows. “Like because we’re musicians?”

She looked conflicted for a few seconds. “Well, of course that too. But what I mean is, if you hang out with kids like us, I don’t want you to feel like you have to hide anything. If you’re comfortable, that is.”

“I’m not hiding anything. I mean, I’m hiding my grades from my dad, but I don’t think you mean that.”

Ashley shook her head. “Alright. Well, we think you two are cool no matter what.”

“Even if I don’t want to kiss you?”

She laughed for a moment, like how she was when he first walked in. “ _ Especially _ if you don’t want to kiss me.” She slid off the dresser and leaned against the wall, then held her hand out to him. “Pinkie-promise me that you’ll listen to and try to understand what I’m about to say?” 

Ted raised his eyebrows, realizing she had her pinkie finger extended. “Oh, sure I’ll promise.” 

They wrapped their pinkies around each other, and Ashley smirked. “Sometimes I want to kiss Missy.”

Ted felt his jaw drop before he knew what was happening. ”No  _ way,  _ dude!”

“Yes way, dude! And I’ve done it too.”

“Holy shit, is that  _ allowed?” _ Ted thought his eyes were gonna fall out of his head, they were open so wide. 

“It totally is! That’s why I’m telling you. Me and Missy are two people who really understand each other, we love each other, and we know what we want. And what we want is to be with each other.”

Ted was trying to wrap his head around it. “And…  _ kiss _ each other? I never thought that was something babes could do.”

She nodded wisely. “Yeah. And, I don’t know if you know this, but two dudes can too.”

Ted suddenly got very still. “Woah…  _ woah  _ woah. Babes kissing I kinda get, because they can hold hands and hug and stuff and that’s fine. But dudes can’t do any of that.”

“Why not?” 

He thought about this for a long moment, then looked up at her. “I don’t know, it’s just bad. That’s what weirdos and fags do.”

“Hey,” she said, snapping her fingers at him. “Get that out of your vocabulary and out of your brain, kid. Guys who like guys are totally normal and just as cool as you and me.”

“Wait wait, hold on.” Ted held his hands out in front of him in surrender. “I did not intend to be offensive, my knowledgeable colleague, I thought that was just a fact. All this that you’re saying is brand-new to me. You’re telling me that dudes are allowed to like dudes the way we’re supposed to like babes? Like, I could  _ like-like _ a dude, and that’s okay?”

“Of course it’s okay, Ted.” She took hold of his hands and lowered them, taking some of the tension out of his shoulders. “There are hateful people in the world who don’t know that it’s okay, they probably taught you to think that it wasn’t. But I’m telling you right now, you’re allowed to like guys just as much as you like girls, and you’re allowed to not like girls at all and like guys instead. And it’s okay if you don’t know what you want. It’s just important to know these things, okay?”

Ted nodded, turning it over in his head as Ashley leaned back against the wall. “Huh. This is a most complex subject of discussion.”

She smiled at him “There’s still a lot for you to learn about these things, but one step at a time. Maybe the next time we get stuck in a closet together, I’ll teach you about the social construction of gender.”

“There’s  _ more? _ Two minutes ago I didn’t even know that it was okay for me to hug a dude, and now you’re telling me there’s  _ more?” _

Ashley laughed, loud and light, and Ted found himself laughing, too. “Oh yeah, we have a long way to go.”

To Ted’s sudden surprise, someone knocked on the door.

Ashley looked at Ted, who was still sitting on top of the dresser, and waved goodbye. “It’s been fun, Ted. Thanks for hearing me out.”

He waved back, a dopey smile on his face. “Thank you for the most illuminating conversation, Ashley, my intelligent friend!”

She closed the door behind her as she left, and Ted got lost in his thoughts again. It really had been an enlightening seven minutes. Ted had never thought he may be into dudes before, but then again, he didn’t even know it was possible for him to be. He thought he had crushes on girls in middle school, and that had felt pretty real at the time. He remembered in seventh grade that this one girl always made him get butterflies in his stomach when she was near him, and he’d forget how to even say words if she looked at him. If he had known this whole time that he was allowed to think of guys in the same way, would that same thing have happened when he was around a pretty dude? And what even  _ was _ a pretty dude?

Bill S. Preston, Esquire, entered the room, clicking the door shut behind him.

The air was thick with a strange sort of silence that Ted had never felt before. He felt like the whole room was buzzing with electricity, and his palms were getting sweaty again. Bill had his back and hands pressed against the door, looking at the floor intensely. Ted swung his legs slightly and fidgeted with his hands in his lap. “Uh, hey dude.”

“Hey, Ted,” Bill said, almost too quiet to hear, still looking at the floor. Ted wondered what was making things so awkward. What happened in the last seven minutes that made Bill unable to look at him now? 

Then a thought struck him, and he stilled his hands. “Oh, dude, I promise I did not make out with Ashley Williams.”

“What?” This made Bill look up. “Ashley Williams?”

Ted nodded. “The babe who was in here with me. I know you have the hots for her, dude, and I was so scared to kiss her because it would be totally unfair, but then we just sat and talked the whole time. She was most informative and amiable, but I swear we never locked lips.”

Bill just looked confused. “I don’t have the hots for her? I barely even know who she is, dude.”

“Oh.” Now Ted was confused. “I thought you were into her, since like, the first day of school. When we were at that freshman orientation thing and all the cheerleaders were there? I totally thought you were staring at her when they were all performing.”

“No dude,” Bill said, shaking his head and laughing. “I was majorly checked out that morning. Sorry if it looked like I was drooling over a babe or something, I was probably just falling asleep.”

Ted laughed too. He had been so caught up on this romantic drama between Bill and Ashley when it didn’t even exist! He wondered for a moment if other dudes got so involved in their best friend’s love lives. It was totally normal to be jealous that some girl was going to distract your friend and take him away from you, right? Right, yeah. “Well, it’s all okay then!”

Bill was still leaning against the door. “So, what did you two talk about? Am I allowed to ask that, or does that break the rules of the game?”

“I do not know anything about the rules, Bill, my friend, but I guess there’s no harm in sharing information. I did pinkie-promise her that I’d try to understand her, so I guess talking about it would help me understand even more.”

“Alright,” Bill crossed his arms over his chest. “So what did she tell you that was so interesting?”

“Oh, uh,” Ted started to feel his cheeks heat up. Somehow, this conversation felt easier when he was the one being educated. He was worried he might say something wrong and mess it all up, like a weird game of telephone. Plus, this was  _ Bill _ he was talking to. Were best friends supposed to talk about this stuff, or would it just be awkward the whole time? Ted took a deep breath, remembering what Ashley had said earlier. He decided that if dudes were allowed to hold hands, they were definitely allowed to  _ talk about _ holding hands.

“So, the general idea is… love.”

Bill raised his eyebrows. “Okay? What about love?”

“Okay,” Ted started, trying to choose his words carefully. “You know how when you’re watching a movie or TV or something, and then something romantic happens and the guy and the girl kiss? Or like, I don’t know, hold hands or whatever?”

Bill nodded slowly. “Yeah, so they’re in love, right?”

“Exactly, Bill! They’re in love! Okay, so what Ashley was saying is that sometimes two babes or two dudes can be like that. Like, it doesn’t always have to be one of each. Two dudes could totally kiss and fall in love and it’s all okay!”

“Oh.” Bill shuffled his feet, and looked back at the floor.

Ted felt slightly deflated at his response. “You okay, dude?”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s just…” Bill brought a hand to the back of his neck, scratching at his hair. If Ted didn’t know better, he’d say Bill looked nervous. “We were talking about that same thing out there. I mean, when you were in here with her, me and the other kids were kinda having a similar conversation. Apparently the dude who was in here with Ashley, before you, didn’t kiss her either because he would rather kiss dudes.”

“Wait, the one with the ripped-up tank top?” Bill nodded and Ted shook his head slightly in disbelief. “That dude looked like a total chick-magnet though. I guess there’s no way to tell who anyone is into, huh?

“Right? Because at first I was like, woah, that’s totally not allowed, but then the rest of the group gave me some most valuable information about people like that, and everything. I don’t know, it just got me thinking, dude.”

“Great!” Ted felt some of a weight lifted, glad he didn’t have to be the only one educating Bill about this important topic. Like Ashley had said, he still had a lot to learn. Looking at Bill, though, Ted definitely thought he looked anxious. “What’s wrong, though, dude? You look most perturbed with this topic of conversation.”

“Because—” Bill started, then abruptly stopped himself. He took a deep breath, then he stepped away from the door, closer to where Ted was sitting on the dresser. “Ted, my most treasured friend?”

Ted felt his heart pick up in pace, just a little bit. “Yes Bill, my most esteemed friend?”

“We… we’re friends, right?”

Ted huffed a laugh. “Of course! We just said so.”

Bill took another step towards him. “So, would you get mad at me if I did something stupid? Even if I apologized right after?”

“No, dude, I don’t think I could be mad at you for long,” Ted said. “Why, did you do something?”

“Uh, no Ted, not yet.” Bill now stood right in front of him, fidgeting with his hands. “But can I?”

Ted considered this, then cocked his head to the side. “Do what, Bill?” He sat up a little straighter, then realized that his face was just about level with Bill’s, and he definitely looked scared. Ted watched as his eyes moved over his face, and saw his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. He felt like his stomach was turning upside down, and if his palms were sweaty before, it was nothing compared to now.

Bill took another tiny step towards him and breathed in deeply before quickly whispering, all in one breath, “Can I kiss you dude?”

“Oh!” Ted quickly glanced at Bill’s lips, then back at his eyes. He nodded rapidly. “Yeah, dude, of course, go for it.”

Bill smiled, caught between nervousness and delight. He slowly brought his hand to hold Ted’s jaw, and Ted shuddered at the touch. “Is this okay, Ted?”

“Ye-yeah,” Ted’s voice cracked. Somehow he felt like his mouth had way too much spit and his throat was incredibly dry at the same time. He hoped he didn’t gross out Bill. He lifted a hand to rest on Bill’s shoulder, trying to mirror the contact. “Uh, you know I’ve never kissed anyone before, right, dude? So sorry if I’m horrible or if I bite your tongue off or chip your tooth or something—”

“Ted! Ted, dude, it’s okay,” Bill laughed slightly. He moved his thumb against Ted’s cheek slightly, and  _ wow, _ Ted was so lucky to have a best friend who made his heart feel like it was going to beat out of his chest the way that Bill did. “I just want… I mean, let’s just try it, okay?”

Ted moved his hand to the base of Bill’s neck, pulling him closer. He could feel Bill’s breath, hot on his mouth. “Okay,” he whispered. “Kiss me, dude.”

Bill leaned in, closing the space between them. 

His lips were so much softer than Ted thought they’d be. It was obvious that neither of them really knew what to do, but Ted followed Bill’s slow movements, chasing what felt good. Bill moved his hand from Ted’s jaw to his hair, tangling his fingers slightly as he deepened the kiss.  _ Oh, wow. _ Ted thought, as he felt a sort of electric current running down his spine.  _ So that’s why people do this. _

They pulled apart, and Ted noticed that his hand had come up to Bill’s waist, clutching to Bill’s sweater with a strange desperation he hadn’t realized he was feeling. He looked up at his friend’s face, with his heavy eyelids and pink cheeks.

“So,” Ted said, trying to catch his breath, not really knowing how to end the sentence.

“Yeah,” Bill nodded. He also seemed to be at a loss for words, choosing instead to lean in for another kiss.

Ted was happy to oblige, his grip on Bill’s sweater tightening. Bill moved to kiss at his cheek, his jaw, the base of his ear. His fingers were still in Ted’s hair, and he tangled them slightly, not enough to hurt, but enough to make Ted say, “Fuck, that feels good, dude.” 

They both stilled for a moment, and Bill pulled back slightly. “No way, really.”

Ted felt embarrassment coloring his cheeks, and quickly avoided eye contact as he cleared his throat. “Uh, I mean, yes way. That was… I don’t know, dude, that was hot.” 

Bill raised his eyebrows, smiling. “Most triumphant. Can I do it again?”

_ “Please,” _ Ted sighed, and Bill had his lips at Ted’s neck and fingers in his hair. Ted wondered belatedly if he was going to leave hickeys there. Ted had never even seen a hickey in real life, how would he know what they looked like?

And suddenly, rudely, someone knocked on the door, saying “Time’s up!”

Bill left one final kiss on Ted’s lips, then took a step back. Ted practically fell off the dresser, missing the contact already. He cleared his throat and pulled at his sweater, still not really knowing what to say.

“Hey, Ted,” Bill said, touching Ted’s hand. “I guess I’m supposed to stay in here with the next person, but I won’t kiss them if you don’t want me to, dude.”

Ted smiled. “Alright, Bill, my friend.” He started to cross to the door. Before leaving, he turned back to Bill. “But, um, if you want to get any tips or anything from them, you totally could, dude. Then we could, I mean maybe, only if you want…”

Bill nodded. “I could show you. When we get home, I mean.” 

“Excellent!” They strummed a quick air guitar, then Ted walked out and shut the door behind him.

He entered the hallway to some cheers and applause. The girl in the bunny ears patted him on the shoulder. “Congratulations, kid, you had fourteen whole minutes in heaven.” She crossed to the door as Ted took her place in the circle. 

The other kids started talking to each other, but he turned to Missy next to him. “Hey, Missy?”

“What’s up Ted?” She turned away from Ashley and smiled at him.

Ted pulled his collar down slightly where Bill had kissed his neck and ear. “I don’t have any hickeys, do I?”

Missy and Ashley burst into laughter, quickly reassuring him that he was hickey-free. “You’re all good, Ted. Good for you.”

Ted smiled and looked back at the closet door. He hoped that when they got back to Bill’s house they could do that again. He was so glad that they were both cool about the fact that dudes could kiss dudes. In times like these, when trying to figure out what this all meant, it was most excellent to have a best friend like Bill to help him out.

**Author's Note:**

> title from "But I Like You" from Sesame Street because come ON... bert and ernie invented gay rights and bill and ted know this subconciously
> 
> i never got to play seven minutes in heaven when i was in high school and it shows, also sorry if parts of this sounded like a preachy anti-homophobia PSA these kids needed to be Told about the gay agenda jkdlsjd
> 
> feel free to visit me on [tumblr](https://epicene-humanoid.tumblr.com/)!! i really want to keep writing for these characters because i have some FEELINGS about trans bill & nonbinary ted... as a he/they it is my duty to project my trans experience onto these characters <3
> 
> thank you for reading!! stay safe and happy halloween :^)


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